A couple weeks ago, my school held the opening ceremony for their Olympic games. Coming into this, like with most events here, I had no idea what to expect. My experiences with school Olympics have involved day-long undertakings that included the typical easy to set up competitions, such as sprints, long jumps, and the softball toss. I show up in my athletic clothes because I hear that there will be a teacher vs. ninth grade (the oldest grade at the school) soccer match. And since there are only a few male teachers, that means if I volunteer, I'd have to be picked to be on the team. Not a situation that has historically happened often to me. Suck it, grade school kickball teams; I got picked for a real sport.
I arrive at the school when the ceremony is about to start and I hang out for a bit with the students. The ceremony starts about an hour late, still better than NBC's Olympic coverage. After the national and city anthems, we are treated to several dance(?) routines. It's hard for me to categorize what I saw, but I can say there were cheerleaders, boys walking in circles bouncing basketballs, and even a couple kids whipped out a chess board right quick to play a few choice moves for the crowd. No Danny Boyle opening ceremony, but I liked that they showed off some of the sports that I believe will be involved in the games, plus I didn't get sixty years of British pop culture shoved down my throat. After those routines, I thought that we'd probably start the games now. But, like any good infomercial, wait, that's not all. A professional soccer ball juggler person came out and busted a few moves. At first, I had to say that I would have been hard pressed to be amused by his tricks. But I have to say that he pulled out all the stops, going above and beyond what you'd see in most Nike commercials and even getting some crowd participation. He finished and left to an ovation. OK, I thought, with him out of the way, surely we must be...what's that, a cheerleading group? All right, I'll bite. This bunch, unfortunately, didn't do much for me. Call me old fashioned, but I only ever go to cheerleading competitions for the falls, of which there were none that day. And to be honest, I've seen better flips on my pancake griddle.
After over three hours of opening ceremony, the games kicked off after the lighting of the torch. Since there was no fire, nor anywhere really to go, a few kids ran in circles with the paper torch around the cheering crowd, up and down the stairs, then back to the front. We then started the staff vs. student game. I figured, although I didn't have much soccer experience, that my size and athleticism should allow me to at least hold my own with kids almost ten years younger than me. Turns out, not so much. One would most accurately describe my style as flailing, like someone trying to tread water that doesn't know how to swim. Graceful I was not, but I do quickly become frustrated when I don't fair well while playing sports. This led to me using my girth to my advantage over these smaller, underfed children, pushing them around a bit and so on. Although this didn't necessarily improve my level of play, I did feel a bit better after establishing my physical dominance. I don't remember the score, but the only score that mattered to me at the end was Tyler: 0 Soccer Confidence: 0.
Once the game ended, people started dispersing from the school. It turns out the bulk of the Olympic games consist of soccer matches and a few other random events to be played during recess for the following month. One of the other sports was cycling. Their version, however, was more akin to musical chairs; several children on all types of bikes (big, small, with and without training wheels) ride around a circle of cones until an official blows a whistle and all the kids break for the start/finish line. I assumed they were keeping track of who had the lead, but they gave it to whomever broke free of the circle first after the whistle. I also witnessed the roller skate race. It seemed as though almost half of these children had never used roller skates before. I was reminded of the Monty Python sketch of the 100m dash for people afraid of yellow tape.
But the events that everyone really cared about were the individual grades' soccer teams playing in the month-long tournament. I particularly enjoyed watching the younger kids, the first, second, and third graders play. Their strategy centered around swarming the ball and kicking the hell out of it until someone falls into the scrum and the whistle is blown. A strategy not seen enough in major soccer leagues today. I liked to
imagine this was happening to professional soccer players with real commentators calling the action:
The ball enters the box and everyone seizes upon it. It is a whirlwind of kicking legs amongst a mass of bodies. I can't even make out the ball in this hullabaloo. Oh no! It seems as Wayne Rooney has lost his footing and fallen into the mess. He is being pounded unmercifully by tiny feet of fury. Look at that! The ball has managed to escape the scrum and is headed straight to Messi, who was before now sitting on the ground playing with dirt. He gets up and takes a mighty swing at the ball. Although he doesn't connect, the ball still rolls in the net because the opposing keeper was distracted by a butterfly that has landed on the crossbar! GOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAL!
hahahahahhaha
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