Thank you, Barranquilla

I have a few thank you notes to write (a la Jimmy Fallon) to the city and people of Barranquilla:


Thank you, man across the street the school emptying an underground sewage container into the street.

You made my school smell great all day. I had been thinking to myself that it's nice and excruciatingly hot, but unfortunately there's no awful smell to accompany it. And you came through, good sir. Now I know what it feels like to be in a Port-o-potty at an Indian food festival held on the Sun.


Thank you, most people I pass by on the street.

Yes, I notice you giving me the once-over, and all I have to say is "Finally." Obviously I am dressed to impress with my polo and jeans, but it's my face soaked in sweat that really makes the outfit shine. But seriously, I get pretty shiny out there. And let me say that you're not looking too bad yourself, mister. I like the t-shirt folded half way up to show off your sculpted (like a sphere) midriff/beer gut. I especially like how you do it when it's not even hot out. Damn, did it just get sexy in here?


Thank you, cricket hidden in an inaccessible corner of my room.

You remind me that it is 10:30 each night. I love how you keep reminding me all night as well. I enjoy our game we play, where I take a shoe and swipe around underneath my dresser and you keep quiet for a few minutes, pretending I got you. And then you all like "jk, lol, jus' playin'," and then I'm all like "haha cricket, you so crazy."


Thank you, first rain of the season.

You cleaned all the dirt and grime off the buildings that has accumulated in the past few months without rain. And with that cleaning, all the smells associated with that filth are sent everywhere. The delicious odors fill the air and make my lunch taste like a public toilet smells. Mmmm, who's hungry?


Thank you, host mother.

Thanks for waiting to tell me important information or asking me questions until I have just woken up in the morning. I have enough trouble understanding English, let alone your rapid fire Spanish. I know you wait until the morning because you must like it when I ask you to repeat yourself five times, and then just nod along, not really understanding anything. I mean, why else would you confuse me like that?


Thank you, horrible fantastic school technology department.

I understand why you require four days prior notice to use a simple projector. Obviously I need a "technician" to come in to: 1) plug it into the wall, 2) plug my computer into it, and 3) point the shiny light part at a wall. This should be an easily manageable obstacle for teachers to overcome in order to use this to enhance their lessons, because they definitely plan lessons at least four days in advance. Definitely. Super-duper definitely.


Thank you, co-teachers.

Thanks for leaving the class and ditching me whenever I take a turn at teaching a lesson. I know that part of the suggestions for co-teaching is to have the other teachers be in the room as to learn some teaching tactics, but that's ok. You go take your smoke break. Or talk to another teacher down the hall for 20, 30 minutes. No worries, it's not like these kids jump out of their seats and yell constantly. They certainly don't laugh at me when I try to yell at them to sit back down because my Spanish isn't perfect, or it's too good and they are only used to listening to slanged up and accented Spanish. But it's ok, take your time.